let the music talk

I hummed lightly as I rounded the corner of the bookshelf. My heart stopped when I saw her. Just like usual. The long, wavy, golden blond hair, that curled ever so slightly near the ends, lung lose. Her dainty hand was being used a prop to support her head. Her face was turned down so I could not see the bright sparkling deep blue eyes, the perfect peachy cream complexion, nor the rosy cheeks and her soft baby pink lips.

I shivered as the sun poked through the slightly open shades of a nearby window, shining down on her like God's light sent from Heaven. My breath caught in my throat as her right arm raised from underneath the table to turn the page of the rather thick hard cover book she was reading. I took note of the many silver bracelets that adorned her wrist, something I had not noticed before. I slid back behind the bookshelf to try and regain my breath and calm the steady thump thump of my racing heart.

This had become some weird, sick, rather pathetic ritual of mine lately. A few days ago, I had stopped off at the library to drop of some books and pick up some new ones. It had started out as simple and innocent as that, since the library is not one of my favourite places to hang around for fun. Although, of late, I had been finding it a rather a pleasant place to be, since it is practically the only place where I'm not recognized. I had gone straight to the counter, dropped off the books and had headed over to this bookshelf where I am now. It was then that I first laid eyes on her. Then that my heart began to pound out of my chest. Then when my breath came out in rapid, raspy gasps. Then that my knees buckled, and then when the room began to spin.

She had been sitting in the same chair she was now, in more or less the same position, reading the same book. She was dressed pretty much the same. Blue jeans and a soft blue or purple T-shirt. Although a few days ago her golden hair had been pulled up, which let me see more of her angelic face.

I had felt like a thousand and one of Cupid's arrows had hit me again and again. I had been so shocked that I had needed to sit down. So I had grabbed the nearest book near me, and went and sat down at a table not too far away from her, but not too close, so I could study her.

I had made mental notes about her. About the way she turned the page every three minutes or so. About how every six pages she would slightly lick her finger to assist in turning the page. About how strands of her sun golden hair would fall in her face, and how she would gently and casually brush them away. I had stayed watching her, studying her, until she left, which was approximately 5:02pm. She had got up, gathered her belongings, and put her book away. I had wanted to know everything about her. So, after making sure she was gone, I calmly and quickly got up and pulled out the book she had been reading moments before. There I stayed until the library closed, reading the Charles Dickens book. On my way home, I had reviewed all the mental notes I had made of her that day. And I fell asleep to the sweet mental imprints of her in my mind.

The next I had gone back to the library to get the books I had been distracted from getting the day before. As I entered the library I saw her again, the exact same as she had been the other day. Again I stayed until she left watching her. For the past five days that was all I had done every afternoon, come to the library and watched her. I hadn't spoken to her, or made eye contact. I had just calmly and quietly watched her from the other side of the little "Reading Room".

Today, just like the other five days, I picked up the same book I always pretended to read and headed for the chair I always sat in. This time however, I decided to be different. I took a different route to my chair. Instead of walking just a few feet in front of her table, I walked right behind her. I could just barely smell the faint aroma of her perfume or shampoo. Something that smelled like the sweetest rose, and the soft scent of tulips. I noticed her disk man laying on the table beside her, and I could hardly hear what she was listening to. I strained my ears to hear. As I got a few chords my breath stopped in my throat. As I caught the tune, my eyes found the CD case. I literally had a heart attack. I scrambled to the nearest seat I could, nearly dropping my heavy book, and practically tripping over own two feet.

I realized that I had made a rather loud racket as I slid into a chair. All eyes were on me. I could feel my cheeks turning red, and as I looked up to mumble a 'sorry' my eyes met with two sparkling blue ones.

She looked about as shocked as I felt. Her blue eyes wide, and her peachy cream complexion was white as snow. Her soft pink lips formed in an 'O' shape.

I willed myself to move. To nod my head or smile at her. But I couldn't. I was numb.

She finally looked away and went back to reading her book. I, however, could only stare at her in complete and utter shock. Every now and again, she would look up at me and smile, but I still could only gape at her in return. About her seventh time of smiling at me, all numbness of mine thawed and I smiled back at her. Her smile widened about ten percent and then she went back to her book. As soon as her eyes had left mine, my numbness returned. Although this time my face was frozen in a permanent smile. I rested my chin in my hands and just smiled at her. On her tenth time of looking up at me, she gave me a weird look. I suddenly realized I probably liked a fool just sitting there and doing nothing but smile. She smiled at me again and my numbness left me.

Since I had been found out, I mustered up all the courage I had, took a deep breath, got up from my sat and went down and sat by her.

She looked up at me and smiled slightly. She appeared rather nervous. My nervousness and numbness returned, and my mind went blank. I couldn't think of anything to say.

I fiddled with the CD case. "You a fan?" I asked quietly.

She nodded.

I smiled such a big smile it hurt my face. "Uh...," I stuttered. "What's your name?"

She looked at me for a moment, as if trying to read my mind. She finally just shook her head and looked down at her book.

To know that she appeared as nervous as I felt, gave me courage. My nervousness left me completely. "Hey," I said softly, gently touching her arm. "Don't be shy. I don't bite." I smiled at her once she looked up again. I said that to every shy girl I met.

She stared into my eyes so hard that I wanted to look away. But those blue eyes were to mesmerizing, and I met up to the challenge of staring her back. She finally looked away, and on a piece of scrap paper wrote: My name is Lillianna. "Lillianna?" I asked quietly. That had to be about the most prettiest names I had ever heard. I wanted to hear her say it, and then it suddenly struck me. Why had she wrote her name down on paper? Instead of asking that, I replied with, "Beautiful name. How old are you?"

Again, she took the pen and paper and wrote. Thank you. I'm eighteen.

I smiled. This had to be my lucky day. The question of why she didn't talk popped into my mind once again, but I didn't want to pry. Not yet. "You have nice hand writing," I observed. "I believed hand writing says a lot about a person. How? I don't know. I just believe it does."

Lillianna grinned, then wrote: And what does my hand writing tell you about me?

I noticed she wasn't writing nearly as neat this time. "It tells me that you're a person I want to get to know better."

She smiled one of the most beautiful smiles she had smiled since I had laid eyes on her. Her blue eyes twinkling, and her cheeks flushing to a darker shade of pink ever so slightly. She took the pen and paper once again wrote: Well, thank you.

I stopped her from writing more, gently putting my hand on her wrist.

She looked up, startled.

"Why... Why can't... Why can't you...?" I wanted to know so badly, but didn't want to appear rude.

A smile played on Lillianna's lips. Very quickly she scribbled down: I was wondering when you would ask. I can't talk. I'm mute. I was born this way. I've never been able to talk.

I quickly read what she wrote, then looked at her. I didn't know what I felt, how I should feel, or most importantly, what to say. I didn't know what I would do if I couldn't make any noise, or talk, or worse of all... If I couldn't sing. "I'm sorry," I finally whispered.

Lillianna shrugged. Not your fault, she calmly wrote, I'm used to it. It doesn't bother me.

"So you know sign language?" I asked.

She nodded, and then made a fast quick movements with her hands.

I looked at her, baffled, chuckling lightly, I said, "What?"

She smiled and then wrote down. Or, I use pen and paper to communicate.

I nodded.

A comfortable silence fell over us for a while. Then completely out of the blue I said, "Can I take you somewhere?"

Lillianna looked shocked for a moment and then she slowly nodded her head.

I smiled and took her hand, helping her stand up, even though I was fully aware she could stand up on her own. I lead her out the back way of the library, which backed onto a river.

We walked down the riverbed silently, holding hands. It was like something out a movie. Just the two of us, sun shining brightly, birds chirping, green grass, big willow trees, the gentle sound of the river. It was just perfect.

I finally stopped and sat down under one of the most biggest willow trees there was. Lillianna followed suit.

With her hands she signed something. I looked at her dumbly.

She smiled, and then slowly mouthed the words: It's beautiful here.

I nodded my head in agreement. "Yeah, it is. But with you here, it seems all that more exceptional."

Lillianna's face turned about as red as mine felt. Thank you, she mouthed and signed at the same time.

"Teach me," I said suddenly.

She looked startled and shrugged her shoulders.

I took that as a hint she didn't understand what I meant. so I said again, "Teach me. Teach me sign language."

Lillianna looked surprised for a moment, and then her face softened.

"Please," I whispered. "I want to know everything that you know. I want to know how to talk like you."

Lillianna's face looked like she was happy and sad at the same time. The blue eyes that sparkled so much, glistened even more, and a sudden fear that she would cry came over me.

"Please," I begged and gave her the puppy dog look. "I'll be a good student."

Lillianna smiled, and then nodded her head. Okay, she mouthed. What?

"The most simplest things first, and then work out way into the harder stuff," I replied confidently.

Lillianna nodded and then signed something.

I copied her every move, watching closely. "What's that?" I asked after I had mastered it.

Please, she mouthed.

"Please," I repeated as I did the hand signal.

Lillianna nodded her head, smiled and clapped her hands. She signed something else, and I copied her once again.

"What's that?" I questioned after I had it.

Thank you, she mouthed.

"Thank you, and Please," I said as I signed it.

Good! Lillianna mouthed, as she signed.

Copying her I learned the word good. "Okay," I said after mastering Please, Thank you, and Good. "What next?"

Lillianna shrugged.

"The alphabet?" I suggested.

Lillianna snapped her fingers and signed Good and something else I didn't know.

"Good idea?" I guessed.

Lillianna nodded.

I smiled and then began to watch Lillianna closely as she started to teach me the alphabet.

~*~

"Z," I said out loud some time later.

Lillianna smiled as she signed out random letters.

"Good.... Job... I.... Got.... It?" I asked once she had finished.

Lillianna smiled once again.

"Thank you," I signed.

Lillianna waved her hand in front of her face as if to say 'Don't worry about it'. "No, thank you," I signed again. "It.....Means...A...Lot...To...Me."

Her face grew serious all of a sudden, and she slowly signed "No... Thank you," she emphasized by pointing her finger in my chest.

"What?" I asked. "Why me?"

Her facial expression turned soft, and I watched as she signed out each individual letter.

"I....Want....To...Thank you....For... Your... Music...," she began. "You.... Have... The... Power.... The.... Skill.... The.... Talent.... And..... The.... Words... So... I... Want.... To.... Thank you.... For...You....Have.... The.... Ability.... To.... Say...The.... Words... I... So... Badly... Want.... To... But.... Cannot.... So... I... Want... To... Thank you.... Greatly.... Thank you," I read out loud as she signed.

I didn't know what to say. I was speechless. That meant a lot, and I was glad I was able to do that for her, yet I still didn't know what to say or do. So I just sat there, open mouthed for awhile until I realized the only thing I could do.

I quickly pressed my lips against her soft ones, and gently kissed her. "You're welcome," I breathed as we pulled apart.

Lillianna only smiled back, and kissed me in return. À(